i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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