I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
