Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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