At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
