my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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