So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
