You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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