I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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