i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
