Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
