Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize