I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Someone signed my nipple.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
