very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
