I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You don't make any sense
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