Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
