Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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