Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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