Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
