i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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