I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
