Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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