I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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