it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
