I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
