I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
