So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
