you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
