I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
