chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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