Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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