And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
