I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
