I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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