I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize