we're chasing vodka with high fives
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
