And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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