I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
