Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?

(325): View more from Texas

Jail. That could go wrong.

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(850): View more from Florida

when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..

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(808): View more from Hawaii

They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call

(906): View more from Michigan

Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo

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(516): View more from New York

friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family

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