we're blogging at a bar
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
