i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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