I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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