of course. lets lasso hookers.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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