Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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