I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
