i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
