What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
