i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
