remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
