I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize