Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
