Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
