booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
