Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
