I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
