Define "chronic" masturbator.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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