So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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