your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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