dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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