Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
