And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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