you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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