Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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