He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
