i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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