How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
