If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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