I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
