it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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