My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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