The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
