My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
