dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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