god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
