I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Houston, we have a blender
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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