Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
