apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
