I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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