im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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