Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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